Pretty Sure My Pee Is Radioactive

To say I felt miserable the last few days is really an understatement. Not only has this bladder infection NOT gone away, but Wed morning I awoke with such a stiff neck that it hurt to even pour Ninja’s food in her bowl.  Thank goodness for an appointment with my massage therapist that day because of course I had to go to work that night.  And after my trip to play down the mountain, I apparently had not hydrated enough and the pain from my infection was excruciating.  After my massage I was able to turn my head a bit more to the right but driving was difficult.  I went to work hoping everything would sort itself out.  Nope.  I was miserable all night.  Needless to say, a workout with BFF was not in order.  Plus, I had to get up early to go back to the doctor’s since after a week on antibiotics I was no better.  To say I slept fast is an understatement.  Getting up at two pm when you work nights is the equivalent to getting up at two am for a doctor’s appointment.  It sucks.  Because I need to be better due to the trip to DL this weekend.  UGH.  So doc switched my antibiotics,  took a pee sample (I hate peeing in those little cups.  I always manage to pee all over my hand and barely get any into the cup) and sent me on my way.  Thank goodness he also gave me some Diflucan in case the antibiotics were not so nice to my girl parts in DL.  Nothing like trying to scratch your girl parts in The Happiest Place On Earth.  I might get thrown out for rubbing on the poles in a not so family friendly way.

Went to work feeling miserable and carrying in 64 oz of cranberry juice that I was determined to drink in my 12 hour shift.  Seriously.  I am sick of this infection.  It blows.  Nothing worse than feeling like you have to pee all the time yet afraid to pee cuz it hurts so freaking bad.  Then, this miracle happened. One of my co-workers and good friends told me about this over the counter stuff that helps with the cramping and burning pain.  And she happened to have some on her!  Hallelujah!!!  I promptly swallowed two of those bad boys and mildly registered the information she was telling me that it changes the color of your pee.  Now, they didn’t work right away, but let me tell you when they did, I could have kissed her!  I felt like doing this:

Seriously.  I was actually feeling human.  So I decided to try out going pee and seeing if it hurt then.  Nope.  Didn’t hurt.  Then I noticed something.  My pee was BRIGHT YELLOW…almost orange in color!  Wtf? I know she said it would change the color of my pee but I am pretty sure my pee is now radioactive.  It might even have super powers.  Like make me a superhero. I wonder what superpowers I would have with radioactive pee?  I could use it to pee on SOTL yard!  Maybe then he would quit being my creepy fitness fatsuit stalker.  Take that SOTL!  Not only was my pee now radioactive, but it stains with its kryptonite powers.  Yup.  Of course I had white panties on.  Thank goodness for a pantiliner.  But if the radioactiveness of my pee is the only side effect to the little pills that take away the pain, I am gonna be radioactive. Maybe I will glow in my sleep.  That would be cool.  I could be my own personal nightlight.

Today I went and tried out acupuncture in an attempt to also get rid of this infection.  At this point, I will try anything.  Nothing says a not so fun time at DL then having to pee every half hour while you are standing in line for the roller coaster.  Then I really would have a code WP.  And Chub Rub.  Acupuncture is a total trip though.  To actually lay there and allow someone to insert needles in various places to help cure your ailment is a little freaky.  I had needles in all sorts of places, including my ear.  Thank goodness my girl parts were shaved. Several needles went in the bladder area so really glad the gymnastics routine had occurred several days earlier.  I did almost freak out when she told me she was gonna put some there.  Wait.  You wanna put needles in my kooka and I am gonna pay you to do this?  I feel dirty.  It felt odd….some I didn’t feel at all and some gave me this weird tingly sensation or dull achy feeling.  So there I lay, like a human pincushion, trying to relax and hope this helps.  I am pretty sure if I had run out of there screaming I would have looked like PinHead from the movies. Yikes!  But honestly, afterwards, I felt better.  Really.  It might be the combo of everything, but I feel better tonight.  Let’s see how tomorrow fairs.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I went from feeling miserable to thinking there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am pincushion radioactive pee fat girl running.  The experiment continues…..


Leave a Reply