Costumes Aren’t Just For Skinny Bitches


I love Halloween time.  I mean LOVE Halloween.  I am that person that decorates her yard with a graveyard and even goes so far as to decorate the inside of my house.  I also love dressing up for Halloween.  The problem with finding a Halloween costume?  Being fat.  Seriously.  Ever tried to find a Halloween costume when you are fat?  Ugh.  It is kind of stressful actually.  You for sure won’t find anything in Target or Wal-Mart that will fit.  Those costumes are made for stick thin girls or the ones for us fat girls are the ugliest things you have ever seen.  You know what?  I am a fat girl.  I wanna look cute or sexy too on Halloween.  I don’t want to dress up as a bottle of mustard or as a sumo wrestler.  Why in the name of all things that are fat would I want to look fatter than I already do?  Who thinks this is a good “Plus Size” costume?  Some stupid skinny person who is gonna squeeze her skinny butt into a french maids costume and look like a french whore for the night.  Well this fat girl is here to say costumes aren’t just for skinny bitches.  But to try to find one sure does feel like it.

So every year BFF and I go to a Halloween party so I need a new costume right?  Well….need might be an exaggeration.  Ok. I WANT a new costume.  Why?  Hello!  Did I not just say I love Halloween?  And I never had to wear the same costume twice as a child so why should I now as an adult?  We head to the Halloween store and I hope and pray I can find one that actually is plus size.  Not one size fits all.  One size fits not fat girls is what that should say.  Trust me.  They don’t fit fat girls.  It’s like trying to squeeze every ounce of fat into a sausage casing when I attempt to try on those costumes. Thank goodness the Halloween store lets you try on costumes ahead of time.  Too many times I have ordered a costume over the internet with that label of “Plus Size” and it ends up being for a size 10.  Really?  I would kill to be a size 10.  And since our local Torrid store closed, I am stuck with whatever the Halloween store has for a fat girl.  BFF really is a lucky girl that she has a killer body with curves in all the right places (I would love to have her body!) because she never has problems finding a costume.  Problem is that we like to go as a theme every year so we always try to find something that will go together.  One year we went as the Spice Girls.  It was hysterical.  Seriously hysterical.  Probably not as great as our Naughty Nurses costumes, but damn that was practically lingerie so I think I will skip that this year.  I already said I was traumatized from ever having sex again with the sounds of fat slapping together, lets just say squeezing myself into a corset again was NOT gonna happen.  I really just wanted something cute and sexy.  I don’t shave those girl parts for nothing.  By sexy, I don’t mean the costume should let my flass hang out.  I mean come on…does my flass have to hang out of a costume for it to be sexy?  No.  BFF even kept asking me if the costumes she tried on where showing her butt.  Answer…yes.  Please don’t buy that one.  Next costume please.  Ok no not that one because now you are showing labia.  This threw us into fits of laughter.  I mean if you are going to show labia, why wear a costume at all?  Why not just go naked!  None of the costumes I liked even came close to my size.  Damn.  Guess I could dig in my costume bin and recycle a costume.  BFF suggested that we head out to the mall because the same Halloween store had a shop in there too.  I was dejected thinking there was no way I was gonna find anything that didn’t make me feel like a labia showing whore or a really fat girl so BFF decided to cheer me up and show me the leaping spider in the store.  Did I mention I have a TERROR of spiders?  Not cool.  I almost ran screaming like a little girl from the store or sat on the ground like I did in the haunted house (A repeat Code Wet Pants). Let’s just say when a fat girl sits on the ground, there is no way you are going to get her up if she does not want to get up.  True story.  Traumatized for sure now.  But upon getting to the other store, I started looking and found BFF several cute non labia showing costumes.  Now to find a thematic pair.  Then I looked down….wait!  Hold the phone Batman!  Is this what I think it is?  A CUTE FAT GIRL COSTUME?  Hell to the yes it was!  I held my breath as we tried on the thematic pair…OMG!  IT FIT!!!!!  And I didn’t have fat rolls pushing themselves out in all sorts of weird ways making their our puppet show for the kiddos.  YAHOO!  No labia showing.  No flass hanging out.  No fat flashing its whiteness to scare children.  Halloween party here we come!!  The fat girl will feel cute this year!  Pretty sure I better make sure I do my gymnastics routine to shave my girl parts before the party.  You never know. Halloween costumes can be used in many different ways.  Just saying.

As for the experiment…running has not occurred yet.  The knee is still tender on some things so been riding the fat jiggling bike.  I think I will try the treadmill after work though.  I gotta try it at least.  The fear is that it will hurt and I will have to admit that maybe the running experiment is a failure.  But then, is it really?  Because by starting the experiment and this blog, I have become aware of how I eat and have been moving every day.  So is it really a failure?  It must be working if I can fit into a Halloween costume, right?  Tomorrow is weigh in day since I forgot (or repressed that fact on Tuesday) so we shall see.  Water weight be gone I say!  So while no running has occurred, the experiment is still in full swing.  Never fear.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I felt good about my body instead.  For the first time in a long time actually.  I am fat girl looking cute in a non labia showing Halloween costume.  Watch out world!  The experiment continues…..

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