Vacation….All I Ever Wanted….

Ahhhhhh.  Vacation.  I have one coming up.  This weekend in fact I will be going to meet my little pocket Momma (I say this because she is short and you could put her in your pocket) in Memphis.  I am way excited to go away for a weekend to somewhere I have never been, however this poses some new kinks in my experiment.  Because what am I gonna do on vacation?  EAT!  Heck yeah!  I am going to a BBQ capital and you think I won’t be asking for the whole side of cow with a side of pig?  The inner fat girl is dancing a happy dance with an imaginary pig that she visions on a pit covered in saucy goodness.  Pretty sure she is dancing to this song as well:

You know you wanna jump around and dance with me.  It’s ok.  Go ahead.  Who’s looking?  Just make sure your blinds are closed…remember my naked fat girl dance of joy?  Blinds open and probably blinded the neighbors.  Yikes.  So in light of my impending vacation I had a conversation with my BFF about whether or not to take work out clothes.  What?  Who am I?  I would never have even considered this prior to starting the experiment as vacations and gyms do not go together in my fat girl mind.  But now they do.  Especially considering that I am to do low impact workouts and they have a pool.  This means I could swim or walk in the water.  Of course this poses the bathing suit issue.  I have two said swim suits as a matter of fact.  They have only been worn when I take my god daughters to the local pool because I cannot deny those two little fishes time at the pool.  So I suck it up and put on my swim suit with a skirt and play with them.  Yup.  A skirt.  I have the typical fat girl black suit with a skirt that I think makes me look skinnier.  Who am I kidding?  Now I just look like a fat girl trying to not look fat. I want someday to not wear this type of suit.  This leads me to remember a funny incident at the pool with my wonderful oh so inquisitive god daughters.  I love that children tell it like it is.  Last time we were there, there was a fat girl in a bikini.  Good for her.  Now while neither me or the girl’s mother would ever be caught dead in such a swim suit our fat girl terror caught  in our throat as we saw the girls looking at her.  My inner fat girl was screaming for us to get away so that the girls wouldn’t see.  Children are very blunt.   We looked at each other knowing the questions were gonna start.  Sure enough, the seven-year old turned to me and said “Did you see her tummy hanging out? Why is she wearing a swimsuit like that?”  I looked at her and said “You know what.  She is comfortable with her body and I am proud of her for being able to wear a suit like that.  Good for her.”  She looked at me and her mom and said “Ok.  Good for her.  I wish you and mommy were comfortable like that.”  I laughed and said “I doubt I will ever be comfortable enough to wear a swimsuit like that even I was skinny.”  Luckily she was satisfied with my answer as were several other mothers and fat girls around me as I saw several smiles to my response to her question. I never want those girls to ever have the body image disorder like so many of us grew up with.  I want them to know that all body types are real and ok.  After all, I have even had to answer the question of  “How come you don’t have any hair down there like Mommy?” questions and trying to answer questions like that are not as easy as they seem. Try it.  Try answering that question in a girls locker room full of people as you change into your swim suit.  Try to ignore the fact that she didn’t seem uber loud when she asked it and the whole locker room is waiting on bated breath for you to answer.  Talk about pressure.

So yes, dear readers, I must admit, both workout clothes and swim suit is packed.  I will get some form of exercise in for thirty minutes a day.  Besides all the walking we will be doing because I want to be able to fit in one plane seat on the way home.  I don’t wanna have to do the seat test and be told I have to buy an extra ticket for my fat flass.  I don’t wanna be the person having to worry if the arm rest is gonna jab into my fat rolls uncomfortably and is my fat gonna liquid out onto the passenger next to me.  Gross.  Real fears of a fat girl.  And let’s hope this knee thing gets better.  Holy cow the side effects of even injected steroids SUCK!  I have taken oral ones in the past for my asthma but wow.  Dr. Underwear Model warned me that I might experience some flushing.  SOME?  Sitting in a meeting at work, I must have been bright red as my boss asked me if I was ok. It brought back real fears of the Silence Of  The Lambs encounter and I knew I must not walk int he neighborhood today or he would be out there rubbing his hands together and handing me lotion.  I had to fan myself during the meeting.  The hot flash was unbelievable.  Seriously wanted to run outside where it was chilly from the rain and stand there in my underwear.  Of course, doing this at work might have caused my co-workers to either laugh or walk me calmly over to the Behavioral Health unit for an evaluation. I opt for the latter.  That could be considered a vacation, right?  Then I could be like Brad Pitt in Twelve Monkeys.

Hmmm….maybe I already am what with thinking about working out on a vacation.  Scary thought.  I leave you that to ponder.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  The hot flash almost killed me but I didn’t die. I am fat girl packing workout clothes for a vacation while having extreme hot flashes.  The experiment continues….

2 thoughts on “Vacation….All I Ever Wanted….

  1. Wendy Albert Bianco September 14, 2011 / 7:52 am

    I remember that day at the pool 🙂 And between the 2 of us, we are going to make sure these girls grown up with healthy body images! You think the no hair convo was bad, you should hear some of the questions I’ve had to answer in the shower with them.

  2. Shellie Koeberlein September 16, 2011 / 7:05 am

    Ah the joys of motherhood or in your case god-motherhood. 🙂 Keep up the good work!

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