Breathing Is Overrated

Two things that go hand in hand. Running and breathing.  Today one of these was a struggle for me and it wasn’t running.  Breathing should be easy and simple.  Your body requires it and it is a natural act, right?  Not if you are asthmatic.  If you don’t know what it is like to have an asthma attack, then you don’t know how scary it can feel.  Watch this video

…while dramatic, it really does show what it feels like to an asthmatic. You never know when you are gonna be able to catch your breath, if the meds are gonna work or if you might die laying on the street gasping while the Silence of The Lambs neighbor watches and takes out his measuring tape to see if your skin will work for him.  Ahhh…the life of the running asthmatic fat girl. Now, I have been asthmatic most of my life and controlling it is usually simple.  However, certain things trigger this struggle to breathe.  Today, it was going to the County Fair.

The County Fair.  It is one of life’s simple pleasures.  The wonderful exhibits.  The sense of community.  The fact that you see the prize cow was bought by Basha’s and you know there will be fresh meat in the store in a few days.  Oh screw it….let’s be honest.  I went for the food.  Yup.  The fat girl in me screamed “FRY BREAD! FRY BREAD! FRY BREAD!” the minute I got up today.  There was no shutting her up until I went and got some.  I can’t deny that I went for the food.  I walk around the fair just to eat more food.  Is that wrong?   Don’t judge me!  Fry bread is delicious and greasy and if you eat more than two in one day it will clean out your pipes.  Just saying.  Personally, I have never experienced this (or have I?).  I had to go get fry bread with beans and cheese on it.  What?  You do not know what fry bread is?  You must not be from Arizona.  Fry Bread….this says it all

Seriously…I think it is the bomb. So, yes, I went to the county fair to get fry bread.  What does fry bread have to do with breathing?  Nothing. Neither does the GIANT root beer float I also had to have.   However, the animal dander,the dust and the incense burning in the vendor hall might have contributed to me feeling quite tight in the chest.  So much so that I actually double checked to make sure my inhaler was in my purse.  Yup.  It was.  Of course this would not help me later as I do not run with my purse on me unless I am running while shopping.

So, after falling into a food coma on that damn couch for an hour from coming back from the fair with my BFF and her Mom and tearing myself away from watching Extreme Couponing on TLC (did I mention I am a reality tv whore?), I decided it was cool enough to go running.  First fail of the day…my MP3 player’s battery was dead.  Ugh.  This means I would have to run without tunes and all the while trying to avoid the chatty neighbors and listen to my breathing and the sound of my fat rolls slapping together.  Ew.  I went any way.  And yes, I did run into chatty neighbors who seemed to think I gave a damn about how wonderful the evening was or that there are coyotes in the woods or did I see that new strain of moth flying in the area? Wait?  Did you say moth? Was it a Death’s Head  moth?  No?  Ok….whew.  Fat girl crisis averted.  Keep running….ignore neighbors….try to sing songs in your head…try to breathe.  Huh.  Try to breathe…ok try harder to breathe.  Not working.  Wheezing.  Breathing harder.  Coughing.  More wheezing.  Now have stopped running and reaching for my inhaler, which is in my purse.  Did I mention it was in my purse?  Damn.  So second fail of the day in the experiment.  Breathing.  It is overrated anyways.  Thus, had to cut the running short today due to asthma attack…remember the video earlier?  You try to run and breathe through a plastic bag like that.  It really does not work.  Hence why serial killers use them.  I might be obsessed with serial killers.  Not that I am one, just that I think I watch too  much Criminal Minds.  Plus, they always prey on the weak…or the fat girls.  Maybe I should be obsessed.  I still managed to run/walk for about twenty minutes before I had to cut it short cuz I couldn’t seem to tear that plastic bag away from my face until I got home and used the inhaler.  Sometimes I really hate being asthmatic.  Slight fail in the experiment toady but am determined it will be better tomorrow.

Oh yeah.  Despite my best efforts, I didn’t die today.  I am wheezing fat girl running.  But I am still running.  The experiment continues….

One thought on “Breathing Is Overrated

  1. Mrs. Shahriary September 9, 2011 / 7:18 pm

    OMG I so wish this fat girl was with you to chow down on fry bread like it was going out of style

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