The Fat Girl Running – Kristann Monaghan

Work problem solved.  Thanks to my BFF Diann who in her infinite wisdom suggested we go to the YMCA after work this am. She is a genius.  Seriously.  In a cartoon reality, we are like Pinky and The Brain.  I am Pinky and she is The Brain.  “Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?  Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky – try to take over the world!”  In our cartoon reality a typical conversation might have gone something like this in regards to going to the YMCA.  “The Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering? Pinky: I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?”  Or maybe our conversations do go somewhat like that?  Hmmmm.  My Dad does call me Pooh Bear, being a Bear of Very Little Brain. Which now that I am an adult does not sound as endearing as it did when I was a child.  Huh.  So off to the Y we went after work for her to do the elliptical and me to tackle the treadmill.  And not like a linebacker would tackle, although pretty sure in my nursing career I have used that skill before to tackle a patient.  Good times.

Ah….the treadmill.  This machine and I have a love/hate relationship.  I used it to train for the 3 Day Walk last year when the weather sucked.  I loved it for that reason.  But, ever tried walking on it for 6-8 miles?  Holy infinite boredom Batman!  For this reason I hate it.  Now, you can imagine my fear of attempting to run on it.  I didn’t wanna end up on YouTube or one of those video clip shows as one of those girls who goes shooting off the back of the treadmill flat on her face. Mistakes like that are mortifying.  Like when a giant exercise ball you are sitting on goes shooting out from underneath you during a FULL Jazzercise class, only to hit another gal and knock her of her ball and you are left sitting on the ground on your fat butt wondering what the heck just happened and did anyone really notice?  Of course they did genius!  Hence the laughter!  I said the class was FULL!  It was an incident out of a bad porno movie.  True story.  And I try very hard to repress the fact that I was the first said girl.  That traumatizing incident forefront in my mind, I was determined not to be that girl again.  Walking on it was fine.  Diann and I discussed the all important topic of How Much Does Our Job Suck Sometimes and Why Are Some People Not As Awesome At It As Us topic that is a fun one to discuss at any point of your day.  Because who doesn’t like that topic?  Then came the running.  I gritted my teeth and pushed that four mile an hour button and didn’t fall off!  Whew!  I actually ran today in a lot further increments than I thought I was. It was more like a minute to 90 seconds at a time.  HUZZAH!  Here is where I learned a few things.  The site of watching my double chin jog more than my body in the reflection in both the mirror and the screen of the treadmill was horrifying.  It was like an accident you couldn’t help staring at.  I could not get away from the fat of my chin waving at me like a beauty pageant queen in a parade.  Stop it already.  Stop waving at me!  I see you!  You don’t have to get my attention! I must find something else to look at tomorrow after work. The other thing I learned is to bring a proper hair tie to work out with you with your workout clothes to work. Let me clarify this.  A PROPER hair tie is one that does not have a GIANT pink bow and ribbons on it.  Yes, I wore said cheerleading bow to work in my hair.  I work in peds after all and the little girls love that bow.  Plus, it is my 3 Day Walk bow and I was wearing a breast cancer scrub top.  There.  Said cheerleading bow justified at least in my mind.  That bow, while fine for work….not so much for working out.  Cuz nothing says I am a fat girl serious about running than a GIANT pink bow with ribbons on your ponytail.  Yep.  That was me at the Y this morning that you saw.  I cannot deny it.  And that bow, along with my fat chin waving at me, mocked me as a ran today.  But I did it.  I ran with that giant pink bow and that waving chin. Guess there is no stopping me now.

I must give credit where credit is due and here I must quickly say to my fellow co-worker Lynette who joined us on the other side of my pink bow fat chin waving self, thanks for the encouragement.  She told me it does get better.  I reserve judgement as to whether or not she is right.  I mean she isn’t Pinky and The Brain, but she is a smart cookie.

Oh yeah…I didn’t die!  The experiment continues…..