Don’t flash the neighbors and other tips from a fat girl running

Let’s start this off with saying I had EVERY intention of getting up early today and trying the running thing.  I set my alarm clock for eight am and had the mind-set that running was how I was gonna start my day.  A couple of problems…I am NOT a morning person.  I must say I am better at it than, for example, my sister, who is about as pleasant as an angry cat in the mornings (love you Seester!),  but I am so not a morning person.  Years of working nights has proven that.  me and early mornings are NOT friends.  Second problem….I was awake until 2 am.  Yup.  2 am.  Why?  Duh!  Didn’t you just read I work nights?  Sometimes, when you work nights and you are off, your body still wants to be awake at 2 am.  And what was a doing at this time of the morning?  Yup….watching netflix.  Sigh.  I told you it was my nemesis.  That alarm went off at 8 am and I think I looked around my room and thought “Who the f*** set THAT so early” finally looking at my cat as if she were to blame.  She promptly looked at me in disdain and went back to licking her butt.  I, on the other hand, reset the alarm for an hour later.  I had to get up then anyways, since today was Bountiful Basket day.  In this experiment, I also have decided to try to eat healthier.  Currently, my eating habits resemble those of my god-daughters who are ages 5 and 7.  That is why I never have to do much shopping before they arrive….because I have those snacks already on hand.  What is Bountiful Baskets you ask?  Well for those of you not living in a hippie town like Flagstaff where it is extremely popular, it is a produce co-op that has many pick up areas in many states (yours will be minus the patchouli smell Flagstaff’s has).  You can find out more about it here:  Yum nummies.

But I digress.  Having gotten up later than I planned pushed back my running till around 1120 am but I still did it.  I found those thirty minutes.  Why then, you might ask?  Why not wait till later.  It’s simple.  I had a massage scheduled at 130 pm and I didn’t want to ruin the post massage feeling with the thought of working out.  My body still groans on the inside when I say those two dirty words…working out.  Ick.  But, in the interest of science and my fat butt, I went out running.  Seriously, my legs wanted to scream several cuss words at me and a few might have left my own mouth (I apologize now to any neighborhood children  who might have heard me) still I proceeded with day three.  The warm up walk made me feel every bit of my 40 years today and when I heard the song on my playlist start signaling to me to begin to run (Rhianna,  I might hate you soon), a sigh escaped my lips.  But then, this miraculous thing happened…I didn’t die.  I actually was able to control my breathing and not feel like a fish out of water gasping for air as I ran.  No wheezing, just rhythmic breathing (although still loud) and another accomplishment…I ran the length of a whole block!  Might not sound like much, but I ran it without stopping, without realizing I had done so.  A big accomplishment to the fat girl who just kept saying in her head “Just run to the next driveway.  You can do it” .  I felt like doing the Rocky Balboa thing and putting my hands in the air and had to pull them down halfway cuz I realized there were people outside and I didn’t want to look stupid (although me yelling YES at the top of my lungs may have defeated the whole not looking stupid thing).  A whole block to me, on day three, was a HUGE accomplishment. I only did it once during the course of the run, but the point is I did it. I went longer today as well…2.3 miles in 30 minutes.  Not much further, but still more than yesterday. Again…I didn’t die.

Several of my fellow fat girls out there have said they don’t know how they would even begin to start running.  Let me share with you a few fat girl tips on running.  Some of these I learned with all my walking training for the 3 Day Walk but they still apply to running as well.  I started by finding a program I thought I could do.  One that caters to beginning runners.  I am doing the 30/30 plan.  You can find it here:  I also looked at the coach to 5 k plan which is also good  it’s just that the 30/30 plan was more for me.  I needed to have something to get my fat butt off that indented couch every day.  Just start with something simple.  Just taking that step out your front door and walking around the block as a fat girl can be challenging enough.  If that is all you can do, then HUZZAH! You did something!  When I first started training for the 3 Day Walk, a mile was so long and took forever.  By the end, a short walk to me was 6-8 miles.  So I have set my mind to achieve this same goal in running.

Clothing.  Clothing is not optional.  Make sure you buy something comfortable.  Long shorts are a MUST.  Otherwise you get the dreaded Chub-Rub.  What?  You have never heard of Chub-Rub?  Then you my friend, are not fat.  Us fat girls are quite aware of the dreaded Chub-Rub and the damage it can do to your psyche as well as your skin.  Chub-Rub occurs usually on your thighs because the rub together and if your shorts are too short or ride up, this rubbing can cause enough friction to start a forest fire.  Hence why most fat girls don’t wear cords.  That sound of thighs in cords rubbing together to me is like fingernails on a chalkboard.  I have a friend, who got Chub-Rub so bad once that her thighs were bleeding by the end of the hike she was on with her not so fat friends.  Chub-Rub stops most of us fat girls from exercising.  It is a real phobia.  So again…long shorts.  I have work out shorts that are long and some capri ones I prefer.  I live in a very dry and heavily forested area and do not want to be on the evening news as the cause of the worst fire in Arizona’s history.  Enough said.  As for tops, I prefer ones that are long, cover my hips and don’t ride up.  Don’t flash your neighbors.  I particularly do not want anyone to be blinded by the flash of uber white fat roll if my shirt rides up.  It’s hard enough to try to do something like run when you are a fat girl without the shouts of “I am blinded for life” scarring you. True story….it still gives me nightmares.

The other tip for today is music.  Tunes are very important because I don’t like to hear myself breathe.  It’s not a pretty sound.  Like I said, I made myself a playlist and timed it out.  I know exactly when to start running, when to turn around, and when to cool down walk with my playlist.  I might have to make a second one to alternate soon but this one is good.  It’s actually 36 minutes long in case I get slow and also cuz I couldn’t decide what song to pull off.  I will share it with you with the one disclaimer:  my music taste may not be yours but all these songs keep me going and sometimes singing (much to the chagrin of my neighbors I am sure).  Ok…so here is my playlist in the order that I play them..try it or not.  It’s up to you. But reserve judgment on the song choices till you have heard them!!

  1. Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) by the Backstreet Boys
  2. Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield
  3. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) by PitBull   (This is the last song of the warm up walk)
  4. Don’t Stop The Music by Rhianna   (I told you I might end up hating her since this is where I start running)
  5. Telephone by Beyonce…I use the Glee Cast version cuz I like it better.  (At the end of this song is where I turn around and re-trace my steps)
  6. Bleed It Out by Linkin Park
  7. My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson…again I use the Glee Cast version
  8. Just Dance by Lady GaGa (at the end of this song I can start my cool down walk)
  9. On The Floor by Jennfer Lopez
  10. Full Service by NKOTB

Don’t judge me by my love of boy bands….just saying.  Let’s see if I can not die tomorrow.


5 thoughts on “Don’t flash the neighbors and other tips from a fat girl running

  1. ramkitten August 27, 2011 / 4:27 pm

    Yay, way to go — the running and your blog. I might see you running around the neighborhood, since it’s one of my usual routes. I hit every street, including every dead end, in there.

  2. wendybird70 August 27, 2011 / 5:12 pm

    I ordered my running shoes today 🙂

  3. Leslie Brooks August 27, 2011 / 6:11 pm

    Awesome Girl! I sure miss you!

  4. ladymiryaa August 27, 2011 / 9:20 pm

    Deb: Pretty sure you could spot me a mile away! I will be the uber slow attempting to run girl. Someday I hope to be up to every street including the dead ends. I try to avoid hills at this point.

    Wendy: So proud of you!!

    Leslie: I miss you too…wish you were out here so we could laugh together!

  5. Rhonda August 29, 2011 / 3:57 am

    You are inspiring me to think about trying the run, especially now that its getting dark out earlier.

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