And So It Starts…The Choice NOT to be those three letters…FAT

I am fat.  Really.  And tired of being fat.  You might look at me and think…”Hey now. She doesn’t look fat.”  Or “She carries it well.”  I am tired of carrying it well.  215 lbs on my 5 ft 4.5 inch frame is…FAT.  I have tried every diet and exercise program in the book and while I have lost close to 100 lbs and kept it off (yes I was even fatter), I am still fat.  And a couch potato.  I eat in front of the tv, it is constantly on and I swear my couch cushions have permanent indentations where my butt sits.  I watch A LOT of tv.  The invention of streaming Netflix through my Blu-Ray player is both a pleasure and a detriment.  It really gives me no reason to get off my couch, except to go to work and shop, which I love.  Shopping, however, can be quite discouraging when you are fat.  I mean really…what fat girl in her right mind wants to wear something with a giant flower on her boobs?  We are still girls…we still wanna wear something cute or sexy.  Does it need to have giant graphics on the t-shirt?  Does it need to have big bows and be drapey so to hide our fatness from the world?  I hate fat girl clothes.  There.  I said it.  I hate fat girl clothes!  They just make me quite aware that I am fat with their W label on the size.  20W.  Why don’t you just say “Here fat girl.  We labeled this with a W so you would know it is for your WIDE load.”  Ugh. I want to not shop in the “Misses” dept.  I wanna wear a bathing suit without a skirt.  I just wanna be….well….healthy.  I made a decision upon facing my 41st birthday this year…I am done with being fat.  So here is how my whole running experiment started in my goal to not be that dreaded three letter word….FAT.

It started like this.  A co-worker of mine came to me for Disneyland advice (For those of you who don’t know me, I am a Disney fanatic and go multiple times a year) because she was going to run in a 5K at DL and then spend some time with her family at the park.  A 5K at DL?  What is this?  Another reason (like I need one) to go to DL in a year?  Hmmmmm.  But running?  Me?  I dunno.  The thought of me running made me cringe.  I have never attempted running before.  Why?  ok…first off, most fat people don’t like to run. It’s uncomfortable for us and most of us worry that people will point and laugh.  True story.  Secondly, I used to have big breasts.  And by big, I mean HUGE!!  Ever try running with a size 44F breast whapping you in the face?  Trust me…it’s not fun and leads to all sorts of bruising.  No sports bra can contain that much boobage.  I had a breast reduction several years ago so now my 40C b0obs are much more tameable.  And lastly, I never even considered running as an option because I have asthma.  Breathing and running seem to go hand in hand.  This co-worker is someone I admire very much and had started running again after her baby to get back in shape and she looks FANTASTIC.  All of a sudden, I thought this….”Why not try, Kristann.  You walked and trained for the 3 Day Walk last year.  How hard can this be?”  I mean really…I HAD trained and walked for months for the 3 Day Walk and walked 45 miles of the 60 in those three days.  Then a few days later, one of my best friends Wendy, shared a link with me for the Tinkerbell 5K.  A new 5K for women at DL.  It taunted me.  That Tinkerbell 5K.  It kept haunting me…beckoning me to come and try it.  So I decided to try it.

I researched…yes I am that girl.  I went online and looked up beginner running guides and how to run and what your stride should look like and then I realized…I am stalling.  Stalling with research.  Just go out and do it.  I quickly made a running playlist that was thirty minutes long for my zune player, changed into my workout clothes and sneakers and left my house. I was afraid I would lose my nerve.  I was afraid the tv would beckon me and I would keep putting it off.  Day one was yesterday.  I started with a brisk ten minute walk and then started alternating  jogging and walking.  It wasn’t that bad!  I stopped running when my lungs would hurt and would walk fast instead and then when I caught my breath, I started again.  I was amazed when I realized it was time to walk the last five minutes up to my house.  I had done it.  I hadn’t died.  Nobody had pointed and laughed.  Nobody had made rude comments like “Run fat girl, run”.  I was hot, sweaty, my legs felt like jello but I had done it!!  Whew! 2 miles in 25 minutes.  Mostly walking, but quite a bit of running in there.

Today was day two.  I actually woke up thinking about trying this running thing again.  I waited till this afternoon after the rain had stopped.  Went out again. Ok, I won’t lie.  Today hurt!!!  My legs hurt.  They actually complained to me as I started.  My shins said “WTF are you thinking?”  But I decided to try it again.  And guess what?  I actually ran more this time and for a little bit longer.  I know it was still more walking than running but the point is still…I didn’t die. And I ran more.  Huh.  Maybe I will try this thing again tomorrow…..the running experiment has begun!

5 thoughts on “And So It Starts…The Choice NOT to be those three letters…FAT

  1. Rhonda August 26, 2011 / 9:01 pm

    Yay for you!! I mostly believe that I cannot run, bad knees, big boobs, weigh more than you, thats alot of weight pounding on the joints. However, I had a nurse from my surgery last year who never ran before either but on August 20th just completed her first half marathon and she looks great. Makes me think I should try it, but like you, I wonder what my neighbors will say when they see me ~trying~ to run.

    • ladymiryaa August 27, 2011 / 3:05 pm

      Rhonda: Trying is the first step. Worrying about the neighbors is also something you just have to get past. I figure if I could do all that walking and train and not care, why should I care now. You ride your bike a lot and don’t care, right? So take a tiny step. Try walking first. And forget the neighbors. At least you are trying!

      Wendy: Bestie, I KNOW you understand how I feel cuz we have had these conversations. Lets make it a personal goal to do the Tinkerbell in 2013. Its a good reasonable goal. And if us fat girls can stick together we can do anything! Love you!

      Malie: Thanks for all the support…just wish I had beautiful sandy beaches to run on like you do! I don’t know how you do everything you do with all your kiddos, but I have faith and confidence you will be ready for that halfer in Dec!

      Thanks to everyone for reading and enjoying!

  2. wendybird70 August 26, 2011 / 9:07 pm

    I read this alternately nodding, laughing and yes tearing up because I completely understand where you are at in life. If you want to do the TInkerbell 5K, I’ll do it with you! I know you can do this. Love you!

  3. The Busy Coconut August 27, 2011 / 12:58 am

    Good for you Kristann!! I am a runner myself. I’m trying to get back into since having my baby. You’ll love it. After you conquer the 5K, you’ll find yourself looking for longer races. I have a section on my blog where I posts things about getting back into running, especially after having a baby. I’m trying to get ready for half-marathon in December. We’ll see if I can be ready.

  4. Lynn Green Harris August 29, 2011 / 3:52 pm

    You are awesome! I need to start running again…or at least doing something anyway….

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