Confessions of a Fat Girl


You might have noticed something.  I haven’t been blogging as much lately.  I know it has been weird not to see a blog or two every week.  And now it is time to confess to you why.  You deserve to know.  You read the words I put on here and never judge me, so it is time for you to understand why.  I recently sat down with the Boss Bean and she convinced me to tell you all.  It may not be funny.  It may make you cry.  But this is who I am.  I put myself out here just as you see me.  If ever you meet me in person, you will realize one thing…that this blog is exactly like having a conversation with me.  So let’s have a conversation.  A confession of sorts.  Let’s have a confession of a Fat Girl.

Life for me has not been funny.  It really has not.  In fact, it has been rather traumatic.  I have had a hell of a past 6 months and I tried not to talk about it but let me do a recap:  I lost three family members in three months, BFF found a lump in her breast and had to have surgery twice and my Mommy took a horrible fall and ended up in the ICU and then a rehab facility for broken bones.  To say my life has not been funny or cheerful is an understatement.  I tried to shield you all from how I was feeling but I am not going to now.  The last six months made me sad and angry.  Losing my BFF’s Grandpa and our sweet Mathew really threw me for a loop.  Never have I experienced grief like that.  Never have I cried so much.  Throw on top worrying if BFF had cancer (she does not) and spending a week with my Mom in a hospital, then you get the stressed out, crying and not so funny Fat Girl.  I sat in front of my computer time after time trying to find words to write and ending up shutting it because the words would not come.  I didn’t know what to say to you through my tears so I said nothing at all.  I ate my feelings and gained a bunch of weight and sat here thinking there is no way you all want to be inspired by the ramblings of a depressed Fat Girl who eats her feelings.  I am wrong.  You need to see me like this.  You need to see me laying on my couch, piles of snacks around me, doing nothing but watching Netflix and reality TV.  This is what a traumatic six months will do to me.  It makes me fat.  It makes me want to hide in my house and not people.  It makes me unmotivated, eat a lot of crap and cry.  A lot.

Losing Mathew and Grandpa were harder than I thought.  Even now, as I sit here and write all these words, tears are flowing down my face.  I never realized how hard grief is and how I cope with it.  I cope with it by eating.  No exercising and eating.  Grief and stress are funny things.  So to say I gave up my eating plan and quit exercising is a hard thing to admit to you but I did.  I really did eat my feelings.  I didn’t think you would want to hear how sad I have been.  How stressed life made me.  How when I sat down to write it made me stressed out.  I couldn’t express how I was feeling or make it funny and it stressed me out.  So instead, I said nothing.  I wrote nothing and that was not fair to you.  I have had some fun times and to write about them felt weird.  It felt like a lie.  I am not going to lie to you, my readers.  My life really has sucked for a while and you deserve to hear it.  Everyone has times in their lives where it feels like you are at the bottom of a pit screaming and no one can hear your cries for help.  Where you paste on a smile to the world and meanwhile inside you are screaming and crying and just want to be held.  That was me for a long time.  I felt like all I could do was tread the waters of life and keep my head just above so I wouldn’t drown.  It was an awful feeling.  Being an adult sucks.  It really does.

Finally, I realized after talking with Boss Bean and BFF that all I needed to do was to sit here and confess to you how shitty my life has been.  I can look back on it now and laugh and make fun of some situations, but before I really could not find the laughter.  I could not find the words to tell you that I wanted someone to make it all better.  For someone to tell me it would be ok.  For me to not have to paste on a fake smile. I wanted to scream in anger.  I was angry.  I was mad at God, the world, the circumstances.  Why would God take Grandpa and then Mathew?  Why would he throw so much grief and stress at me all at once?  Work suffered.  My writing suffered.  My weight suffered.  But you know what?  I made it through.  I am still here.  All of this may have made me silent for a while but I am still here.  Here I am in all my glory… fatter and sassier.  I finally was able to reach deep down into that pit and pull out my voice.  I grabbed a hold of those words and lifted them to the top, allowing those feelings to wash over me and my fingers to put them on the page for you.  Yes, my life was so shitty and traumatic for the past 6 months.  Yes, I ate every bit of those feelings and now have to deal with that.  Yes, I am still here and ready to put more words to the page for you.  This is my confession and I am glad you are still here too.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I lost my voice and my words in grief and anger, but I didn’t die.  I am the Fat Girl who CAN survive and eats my feelings Running.  The experiment continues…

 

The Sadness Birthday Party


There is a tradition with me, Bubby, Pocket Fiancée and BFF when it comes to birthdays.  We usually do dinner and game night.  We love game night (as you might have read) and what game we play really varies depending on time and our mood.  The birthday person gets to pick dinner and it is usually a really good time.  Sometimes we vary and do a movie, but not very often because we really love game night.  February is Pocket Fiancée’s birthday month so we all looked at our schedules and planned a night to do a birthday night.  BFF soon dubbed it The Sadness Birthday Party.

Let me tell you something about BFF.  She doesn’t eat veggies.  Like ever.  I swear it.  She loves meat and potatoes.  She must think veggies are the product of The Devil.  I think the only veggie I have seen her eat voluntarily is broccoli and usually covered in cheese.  How that girl does not have high cholesterol or vitamin deficiencies is really beyond me. She also does not eat fruit. How does she survive?  How does she stay so thin?  She also does not eat condiments.  No sauces, dressings, nothing of the sort.  She eats her burgers and salads (when she is forced to eat them) dry.  Dry.  Who eats a burger dry?  That sounds so gross to me.  Like eating a dry bun and a slab of meat and some cheese is all BFF puts on her burger.  Ugh.  That sounds like it would stick to the roof of my mouth and I would choke on the dryness, and since I live alone, there would be no one to give me the Heimlich maneuver and I would continue to choke, thereby ending my own life and dying by a dry burger.  What a horrible way to die.  I don’t know how BFF does it and doesn’t die.  Does she have excess saliva and moisture in her mouth that doesn’t allow her to choke on the dryness?  Is this her super power?  Is she like a camel and spits at people and her saliva burns like acid?  Now that would be an awesome super power.  I want acid spit.  Maybe that is why BFF eats her burgers dry.  To contain the acid spit.  Kind of like the creatures on the 8o’s movie Alien.  Wait…does BFF have an Alien creature in her and it will explode out of her stomach?   Oh no.  Maybe my BFF does not have a super power but really has an Alien inside of her.  These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.  No really.  Doesn’t everyone’s brain work like this?  No?  IT’s just me then?  Ok well I will have to decide if I need a flame thrower to kill BFF once the Alien creature explodes out of her gut or be thankful she has an awesome super power.  I am so torn.

So, when Pocket Fiancée announced what she wanted to eat for her birthday dinner, you will understand why BFF called it The Sadness Birthday Party.  See, Pocket Fiancee is a vegetarian and she wanted what she called a Salad Party.  Basically we all brought things for different salads and then we eat them.  I didn’t mind, as I love a good salad.  BFF, on the other hand, was not so sure on this concept.  Being the trooper that she is though, BFF went with me to the store and we got things she would like for a salad.  She even bought a dressing! What is the world coming to?  She wasn’t going to eat her salad dry?  Does that mean she doesn’t have super acid saliva?  I was so confused.  But I was proud of her for getting things she knew she would eat in a salad.  Even if she thought it was sadness.

Upon getting back to my house, Bubby and Pocket Fiancée showed up with even more salad makings and the Salad/Sadness Party began for Pocket Fiancée’s birthday.  Surprisingly, BFF made a massive salad and had seconds (guess she really does eat veggies sometimes) AND she used dressing (shocker).  We ended the night by watching the Disney movie Moana and I might have seen Bubby get misty eyed during it.  BFF did not die from consuming a salad but I bet she pooped better…lets not go there.  You don’t even want to know.  I still am a bit concerned she might have an Alien inside her…

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did get BFF to eat a salad but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl still wondering if BFF has an Alien inside her or acid spit superpowers Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

 

How Universal Studios Again Scarred Me for Life


BFF and I had been trying to figure out how to get her Momma to go with us to Universal Studios out in California to see all the Harry Potter stuff since it opened last year since we are all huge Potterheads (Harry Potter fans for those not familiar with the term).  We couldn’t figure out how to plan it so we just decided that we had 4 days off and let’s tell her we would take her for her birthday.  It worked,  We planned everything in a few days and then set off to drive to Hogwarts.  I was super excited to see it now it was opened and to ride the two rides in there.  Now, if you have read my blogs before, you know that I had an “incident” in their House of Horrors attraction there that involved me probably being on a training video on how to handle a grown woman freaking out and crying in a ball on the floor. That really did happen. I think that I might even be tagged when I enter the park from now on.  You never know.  But Harry Potter rides should be fine, right?  Little did I know that I would come out scarred for life from the main ride.  No really.

It truly was magical walking into the village of Hogsmeade and seeing the giant castle of Hogwarts looming over us.  Everything they did to make it look like you were in a portion of the world of Harry Potter and I felt like I was going to cry with happiness.  When you are that big of a fan of something and then see it brought to life, it can be overwhelming.  And I am a HUGE fan of Harry Potter.  The books were ones that I could not stop reading and I also love the movies.  So to see it come to life was a little like sensory overload.  In a good way.  After being awestruck by all the sights around us, we went to go get in line for the main Harry Potter Ride.

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Hogwarts Express!  
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It was like entering the pages of a book
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The Hogwarts School of Wizardry….and terror

There was hardly any line so we actually had to go quickly through most of the line and the inside of the castle at times, which was a total bummer.  BFF, her Momma and I wanted to enjoy all the aspects of the ride and soak up the experience.  We tried to go as slow as possible and allow people to go around us.  Note:  it was super dark inside the castle and hard to figure out where you are supposed to go!  I was worried we were going to get lost inside Hogwarts (not that it would be a bad thing) or that the parentals were going to misstep.  Eventually we got to the start of the ride and I was starting to get nervous.  Universal is notorious for the Fat Girl test of the seats outside the ride and this ride was no exception.  I was terrified to sit in those seats and realize that I was too big to sit in the seats and ride the ride we were most looking forward to during our trip.  But here we were so the Fat Girl seat test was about to happen live and then I saw there was a moving walkway to get on the ride.  Oh yikes.  And this walkway moved at light speed I tell you.  It was super fast.  I don’t even know how people who have to transfer from wheelchairs can do it.  The parentals went before us and then BFF and I ran on to our seats.  As I was seeing if I fit, I looked to my left and saw BFF’s Momma.  Wait.  Didn’t she get on before us?  Holy crap!  I quickly reached out my hand and pulled her and BFF’s Daddy to the seat.  They might have gotten left behind as fast as that thing was moving.  I saved the parentals from certain death by Harry Potter moving walkway I am sure.   Then the workers started coming around to pull the harness down on us.  Harnesses? Wait.  What?  What is this?  Are we gonna die?  I pulled my harness down as far as it would go and then the worker came and pulled it down even further, squishing my stoob and making it hard to breathe.  He looked at my face and apologized saying it had to go that far to ride.  I just nodded as I was afraid to breathe and wondered if there would be a bruise on my stoob later.  And then we got started.

Everything was going fine and I was amazed and loving the ride until it took a turn that made my whole body go cold with fear.  Spiders.  Spiders everywhere.  Oh nope.  Hard pass.  I have a unnatural terror of spiders.  And I do mean terror.  Like I cannot even do pictures of spiders.  Nope.  When we go see It’s Tough To Be A Bug in Disneyland, there are giant cartoon spiders that come out of the ceiling and I freak out every single time.  Like legit freak out.  I have to close my eyes and BFF has to tell me when I can look.  So big giant spiders super close to my face, coming at me as I fly by?  Big hard pass.  I immediately start screaming in terror and close my eyes, tucking my feet underneath me in case they try to touch me.  It was terrifying.  BFF touched my leg and told me I could open my eyes.  As soon as I did, I see a GIANT SPIDER coming towards me and BFF yells “I LIED!  CLOSE THEM!  ABORT ABORT!”  I was so terrified I began hyperventilating and when she told me I could really open my eyes I wasn’t sure what would be there.  The next few moments of terror involved The Whomping Willow trying to kill me and then Dementors flying towards me and reaching for me.  Screw this ride.  Screw it.  It was hard to tell when I could open my eyes and maybe I should have had them closed the entire time judging by the speed of my heart rate and the tears running down my face.  I could barely enjoy the ride I was so scared and screaming my head off.  When the ride ended and we managed to run off the moving walkway, BFF and her Momma started asking me if I was ok as I had tears running down my face and I was breathing hard.  I couldn’t feel my hands or feet because I had hyperventilated so badly.  I wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry from being so scared.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think Harry Potter would terrify me so badly.  Also, I might be on another training video.  Pretty sure.

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Before the terror.  Enjoying the magic.
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Nothing a little Butterbeer won’t fix

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  Well, that might be a bit of an understatement as I felt like I might die.  I did survive the Harry Potter Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood but I didn’t die.  I am The Fat Girl who I am sure is on several training videos at Universal on how to handle a grown ass woman freaking out Running.  The experiment continues…

Taco Tuesday?


This month BFF had to have surgery.  Twice.  Nothing major and everything is fine but she had to have some lumps removed from her breast.  All is benign and good!  So don’t you all go worrying cuz she would hate that.  She had what is called a phyllodes tumor, which is benign but can turn cancerous, so it had to be removed before it caused trouble.  Silly boobie.  So, surgery it was and I went with her and her parentals to be her support and to entertain her Momma so she wouldn’t be too stressed.   Let me tell you, BFF on meds is hilarious!  Also she was pretty hungry which led to the discussion of tacos. Because it was Tuesday.  And because tacos. Always tacos.

BFF had to have one of her lumps marked by a wire because it was small and the surgeon wanted to make sure she could find it during the surgery.  So that procedure was supposed to take place about an hour before the actual surgery.  That had to be done with a radiologist and she said it really was not pleasant.  But she returned with a numb boobie and we sat waiting in the pre-op area.  From where we were, we could see all the activity of the area and that was quite fun.  But the waiting.  Ugh.  So much waiting.  And waiting. And waiting.  BFF was scheduled for surgery at 12:45 and had not had anything to eat since midnight.  She was starving.  So guess what our topic of conversation was?  Yup.  The food she was going to shove in her gob as soon as she was released.  She had quite the list.  But topping that list?  Tacos.  It was, after all, Taco Tuesday and she wanted some tacos dammit.  She must have talked about the kind of tacos she wanted for like an hour. And this was before they gave her drugs.  BFF’s surgery time came and went.  Unfortunately for her, she got bumped back because of trauma patients.  This meant one thing.  Her boobie was now not numb and she could feel the wire.  Also, she was still hungry.  I imagine the wire felt like a giant splinter sitting in her boobie so it could not have been that fun.  Can you imagine?  So BFF did the only thing she could since she couldn’t have tacos.  She asked for pain medication.

This is where it got fun.  They gave her medication and a few minutes later she looked at me and said “Whoa”.  Immediately she said she didn’t like it and could not understand how people could get addicted to stuff like that.  Good thing to know BFF won’t suddenly become a drug addict.  I won’t have to worry about her becoming a bag lady pushing a shopping cart down the street that contain all her worldly possessions muttering to herself about demons and yelling profanities at people.  Oh wait.  Maybe I do.  But not because of drugs.  Just because.  Pretty soon the sleepy factor hit her and she was out.  Which means this happened.

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She really shouldn’t sleep around me.

You knew that would happen right?  I mean what else was I supposed to do while waiting?  Luckily, only 3 hours after she was supposed to go back for surgery, the crew finally came and got her.  Which meant we were left with this image as they wheeled her back.

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That is one sexy blue cap BFF

If you have ever waited for someone in surgery, then you know it can be so long even if it is only 45 minutes or so.  We had the joy of hearing some dude eery 15 minutes tell everyone within ear shot of him that he was going to go out and “smoke his cancer”.  You go right ahead buddy.  Thanks for telling us the umpteenth time.  I thought BFF’s Momma was gonna stab him in the eye with a spork from the dining room when he said it for the 4th time.  I would have handed her the spork.  Just saying.  Our hospital does this thing where they give you a tracking number and you can look up on this giant board to see where your loved one is.  I felt like all I did was stared at this board waiting to see if BFF was in the recovery room yet.  It just kept saying she was in the OR.  Even when the surgeon came to talk to us and said she was done and everything was fine, BFF’s number never moved her to the recovery room.  It was like she was stuck in permanent limbo! Maybe the Doctor came and picked her up in the T.A.R.D.I.S. and she is flying through time and space.  Wait.  And she didn’t come and get me?  Rude.

Eventually I knew she was in the recovery room.  How?  Because all of a sudden I got a text from her.  I looked at her Momma because I thought she had BFF’s phone but she didn’t.  I opened up the text message and started laughing.  The text was nothing but taco emojis.  A ton of them.  Only BFF would subtly let me know she was out of surgery and feeling fine by texting me taco emojis.  Best recovery room text ever.  Her Momma and I laughed pretty hard over that.

After being discharged, I was helping BFF to the car while her Momma went and got it.  She looked at me and said “I am starving.  Can you go get me tacos?”  Nope.  Not happening.  I carefully explained to her drug addled brain that I didn’t want to see tacos come back up and I would get her some the next day.  She sighed, agreed and again told me could never be a drug addict.  Well good, because I didn’t want to have to find her a shopping cart.  Although if it came filled with tacos at that point, I am sure she would have just walked down the street muttering to herself and eating tacos.  I mean it was Taco Tuesday.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, have to explain to BFF why she couldn’t have tacos fresh out of surgery, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a BFF who texts me taco emojis from the recovery room Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

Rez Adventures Part 2: Why I Should Never Be a Passenger in a Car


You all heard how GPS Janice failed BFF and I when we went out to Grand Falls with her parental units, but let me tell you about the trip home.  After wandering around on the wrong side of the falls, we decided to make the trek home providing Janice could tell us how to get there.  It was on the way home that I discovered that I am not really a good passenger to have in a car.

Usually when BFF and I go places, I drive us.  Nothing against BFF and her driving…she just hates to drive.  Hence why I am usually the driver.  This time though her Dad was driving so BFF and I were in the backseat which meant I had nothing to keep me occupied.  On the way out to the Falls, we were occupied by the fact that we were certain Janice had gotten us lost but I didn’t have that luxury on the way home.  I turned to talk to BFF and noticed she had fallen asleep (I mean she had worked the night before).  Well now what was I supposed to do?  There was no internet reception and no scenery to look at since we were in the middle of the desert of the reservation.  Hmmmm….BFF was no help.  What was I to do?  Why take selfies with the sleeping BFF of course!  No really.  Yup. It totally happened and it was glorious.  See for yourself:

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I mean what else are you supposed to do when BFF sleeps?
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Can you see all the red dirt on the back window?
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I had way too much fun with her 

Obviously, I am not a good passenger when I don’t have anything to keep me occupied.  Don’t you want to ride next to me?  BFF’s Momma actually saw me and started giggling because it was pretty funny that I was taking selfies.  The other thing BFF was supposed to do besides keep me entertained?  Navigate us out of there.  Good thing I had put it in my phone as well before we lost signal so I was able to direct the parentals on the unmarked dirt roads.  Some help BFF was on both accounts.  Once we were back on the highway, I asked to stop at the one gas station to use the restroom as the sound of water at the Falls made me have to go.  Here is where we had our second adventure of the day.

On our way to the Falls, we had noticed a flea market of sorts across from the gas station and BFF’s Momma had seen a sign that said “kneel down bread”.  We had discussed what this could possibly be on our way out so when I cam out of the gas station, I asked BFF’s Momma if she wanted to go see what it was about.  Now, I must mention that BFF’s Momma is not very adventurous so her agreeing to do so was a big deal for her but I think she was really very curious.  We soon found the table with Kneel Down Bread and we got the last two.  We then scampered back to our car anxious to try this new thing we had discovered on our adventure.

BFF’s Momma handed me one for us to try.  It was wrapped up in a corn husk which I found interesting as I attempted to open it.  It looked and felt like the outside of a tamale when I finally got it open.  I gave a chunk to BFF and broke off a chunk for myself.  It didn’t look like bread.  It didn’t smell like bread.  We were a little confused.  But we decided to try it anyways.  The minute BFF put it in her mouth, I knew she did not like it.  I could tell by the look on her face that the texture was not something she liked. At all.  The look on her face was mixed with horror and fear.  I almost started laughing as I watched her choke it down.  I could tell she wanted to spit it out but there was nothing to spit it out into.  So she instead swallowed and said “Well, that was texturally displeasing.”  I about died.  BFF really has a problem with textures.  She once told me that gummy things feel human in her mouth although I do not think I want to know how she knows what human feels like in her mouth. Well…she does bite people a lot.  Maybe that is it.  All that biting is good practice if she were to ever become a zombie, just saying.  Then she would really know what human tastes like. Ew.

After seeing BFF’s reaction, I was a little hesitant but I do not have texture issues like her.  So I took a bite.  It tasted like masa (the outside of a tamale) to me but not as finely ground.  I could taste the chunks of blue corn in it but I could see how she found it texturally displeasing to her.  It really did taste like corn to me.  I later found out that Kneel Down Bread is also called Navajo Tamales so that makes perfect sense.  I didn’t mind it but I could tell BFF was trying to wash the taste out of her mouth with a bottle of water.  It was pretty funny.  And soon after that, she was sound asleep again.  There might have been snoring.  And drool.  All in all it was a great family adventure.  Matty would have been proud.  #LiveGrandMR

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I wish I had a picture of her face after she actually put it in her mouth…needless to say she won’t be eating Kneel Down Bread again.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, discover that I am not a good passenger in a car ride and that BFF does not like things that taste human in her mouth but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who takes selfies with BFF while she is sleeping Running.  The experiment continues…

Rez Adventures Part One: When GPS Fails You


Have you ever gone on an adventure? BFF and her parentals and I recently went on one and it was quite the experience.  We had every intention of going out to a local attraction and somehow ended up an hour out of our way on a dirt road in the middle of the Navajo reservation all thanks to Google Maps.  What we did discover, however, is that the four of us can make a good time out of even getting lost.

It all started out with BFF’s Momma wanting to go see Grand Falls, a natural waterfall system located out on the Navajo reservation.  It only flows with snow melt and is actually higher than Niagara Falls.  Since none of us had ever been out there and we heard it was flowing rather heavily, we decided to take the trip and go see it.  Instead of asking for directions or looking it up, BFF put it into Google Maps and we headed out early in the morning.  I mean, Google Maps has never steered us wrong before.  Back before there was GPS, we did get lost trying to get to Disneyland and ended up in Compton.  Luckily, Bubby was able to decipher the tiny map I had printed off the computer and get us to where we wanted to be.  GPS always re-routes you if you turn wrong so I felt pretty confident about using it to get out to Grand Falls.  I was so wrong.

Now Grand Falls is only 30 miles outside of town so it shouldn’t have taken us too long to get there.  We followed Janice (that is what we call the voice on Google Maps) and ended up on a dirt road, which wasn’t too surprising.  Since it was a weekend and the falls were so full, I thought we would see a lot more people driving on the same dirt road as us.  Nope.  Totally alone.  On a dirt road.  In the middle of no where with no signs.  An hour and a half later, we were still on various unmarked dirt roads and hoping that somehow, they led to the falls.  I kept thinking that what if we broke down or what if an axe murderer came out of the landscape to kill us all.  Seriously, the reservation is pretty desolate.  Janice kept directing us on all these unmarked dirt roads and I was thoroughly convinced that we were going to end up stranded with only 2 mini bottles of water and a couple of breakfast bars between us.  We might have to resort to cannibalism to survive.  Who would we eat first?  This is a serious question to ask yourself when traveling with a group of people.  Do you not think of this?  No?  Just me then?  Ok…well I did wonder which one of the four of us we would eat first if we were stranded and needed to survive.  Totally normal way of thinking when you are lost on the reservation if you ask me.  Don’t judge.

Eventually, the road turned and we could see the canyon and the falls so we pulled up and got out.  Upon doing that and looking around, I realized something.  We were on the wrong side of the falls.  The official lookout and parking was on the other side.  How the heck we ended up on that side was beyond me.  None of us could figure out how we ended up on the that side.  Where did we make the wrong turn?  We followed GPS.  We listened to Janice.  She let us down.  We risked our lives and almost ate one another to get here and we are on the wrong side?  Sigh.  Well at least we had a good laugh, a great time and ended up with epic pictures.  No, really, they are quite epic and not because of the falls.  Because of BFF’s bang.  Her bang could not compete with the winds around the falls and I couldn’t see because of the sun, so I had no idea what was happening until we looked t the pictures later.  Epic I tell you.  See for yourself.

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Grand Falls.  Can you see the real lookout over there?  Yeah…we aren’t there.
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The wind was really strong….
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It just keeps getting better….the bang
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The family that adventures together.  I just can’t even with that bang.  It’s too good.

Upon leaving, we ran into others who Janice had led astray and ended up on the wrong side.  Stupid GPS.  Turns out that we went about an hour out of our way and we still have no idea how to get to the right side of the falls.  Or how we got out of there without eating one another.  GPS fail.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, consider which one of us I would eat first if we got stranded on the reservation but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with epic pictures of BFF’s bang on a reservation adventure Running.  The experiment continues…

 

#LiveGrand


I realize it has been quite a while since you heard from me and there is a really good explanation.  Hopefully you read about the loss of BFF’s Grandpa right before the holidays but in January, we had a devastating loss of her 23-year-old nephew, Mathew as well.  BFF and I have been best friends for over 20 years and her family has adopted me as another member, with her brothers calling me their other sister and her nieces and nephews calling me Aunty 2.  So, when we got the news Matty had died in a horrible car wreck, I was devastated right along with the rest of the family.  You see, I had known Matty since he was little and I loved being his Aunty 2.  It was so hard to think about writing and words could not seem to come to me to even begin to express my grief over such a young soul.  But this week, as I was musing over Matty and how he lived his life, the words he lived by inspired me.  Live Grand.

Matty may have only been 23 years old, but the life he lived was so full and rich.  We like to say he lived life going mach 3 with his hair on fire, but really he just lived grand.  He LOVED adventure. This kid ran river tours in the Grand Canyon with the Hualapai tribe for many years and they loved him so much he was actually made a member of the tribe.  He loved to take chances and was a budding photographer, doing anything to get the perfect shot.  So many photos of Matty not only show his beautiful smile but they also show him on the edge of cliffs, playing in the Colorado river, snowboarding down the mountain and many other things that made his life grand.  He loved spending time with the family, never missing a function if he could help it and was always the first one to take selfies with everyone.  His laugh and smile were contagious and you could forgive him of any transgression by that smile and he knew it.  This spirit, this essence of Matty is his legacy.  to all of us.  This sense of loving life and living outside the box is what inspires me.  This is where my challenge to you, my dear readers, is going to present itself.  In memory of BFF and my nephew, I challenge you to Live Grand.

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BFF and Matty 
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That smile….

 

Take a moment and reflect on your life and what makes it grand.  Find one thing that you can do to make it more rich, fuller and bursting with life.  Whether that be traveling to a new destination, creating your own adventure or even just spending more time with your family, find that one thing and do it.  Do not wait until tomorrow or put it off to next year, I want you to do it now.  Matty wants you to do it now.  Plan it, execute it and make your life grand.  It’s that simple.  This is my challenge to all of you…to keep Matty’s spirit alive and make your life grand.  I want you to tag me in posts on Facebook, Instagram and even send me snapchats with the hashtag #LiveGrand and show me how you can change your life to make it your best life ever.  I want to see you #LiveGrand no matter what that means to you.  Show me!  I plan on spending more time with my family and traveling more to make my life grand.  Because if there is one thing Matty taught me, it was that family is not always about blood.  It is about those people who love and support you the most and BFF and her family are some of those people.  Thank you BFF and her family.  You all have given me something I cherish….your love.

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This boy….

Mathew.  I am proud to have been your Aunty 2.  I am glad you never hesitated to tell me you loved me.  I am proud to have known you and been blessed by your smile, laugh and your love.  I am so proud of the man you had become and I will miss you my sweet nephew.  While I will never hear you call me Aunty 2 again and get some random snapchat from you showing me your smile, I will always love you.  You lived grand in life and now you can continue to Live Grand forever.  “Through every door, a new path awaits.”  Enjoy your new path Matty.  And #LiveGrand.

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Mathew Thomas Reyes  1993-2017  #LiveGrand

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that even through great grief, you can discover a new joy in life but I didn’t die.  Thank you Matty.  I am Fat Girl who is going to  #LiveGrand Running.  The experiment continues…